so after finishing in here last night, I went back to bed, gf and dog both asleep, or, I'm sure Holly popped her head up, decided she didn't care about the bullshit I was pulling by moving around, Holly usually pops her head up, takes one look at what's going on, and walks out of the room, and, into the other room and goes back to sleep, but, I laid back down, and, for the first time I actually kinda appreciated the street light that shines thru the one window in my gf's bedroom.
While I have the blinds closed, and, turned down so no light gets in, it seems that no matter how I fix them, the street light between our neighbor to our left, and HIS neighbor to HIS left, ALWAYS shines thru somehow.
I have been trying to hide my face from it the better part of 3 months I've been out here, its kinda annoying to get a brief awake moment to get a drink from the bottle of water I keep next to the bed and than to try and get back to sleep, and you lay back down, and no matter what you do, you cannot just get that one little bit of light to STOP Shining on one of your eye lids.
Last night I had an awakening of sorts when I realized that, that street light is like my own personal star watching over me at night. Like that star at night sailors see that gives them hope cause maybe they HAVEN'T lost there way, even when they THINK they may have. Like a guardian angel always vigilant, to protect whom it was assigned to.
Listening to my mp3 player, staring at it gave me this odd sense of calmness I don't think I've had for a while, maybe, for the first time since I've moved out here.
I'm pretty much out of money, I have no job prospects, things haven't gone in ANYWAYS like I had planned, OR in anyway that I hoped, but seeing that light pushing thru the blinds last night, today, none of that seems to matter. I seem to be filled with a greater sense of hope and optimism than I have in a long time.
Maybe, just maybe, if I wish upon my own personal star tonight, maybe my wish will come true. Even if it doesn't, I feel ok because feeling like someone or something is watching over me, even when I feel like nothing is going right, when I was on the cusp of giving up hope that anything was going to change out here, gave me a renewed sense that there IS something greater out there for me than what I have now. All I have to do is have the faith and the patience to let it happen. But, if ANYTHING, I can think of my new friend whenever I get sad or upset or discouraged, and I can at least... Smile.
