*NOTE* WOW.... this site doesn't allow me to copy and paste from my email to HERE.... so I have to retype what I sent to my email while I was on the toilet before...
anyways.... heres what I wrote while on there before...
Having a quick sit down before taking holly for a walk. Didnt want to bring the lt in to convalute and hold up The process. Heres a thought tho, maybe i should close the bathroom window. Not that its cold per say, but with the rest of the house Warmer it feels like really cold on my ass cheeks when i sit down. Man a million dollar invention? Heated toilet seats. I should look into that.
I than proceeded to send THIS message to a bunch of my contacts on my phone...
Million $ invention. Heated toilet seats. that way u can hav the window open 2 let the stank out but the next person doesnt get a cold ass. Who wants to invest?
Here are the responses I got....verbatim
"sorry to tell u but there's heated toilet seats already."~Gf's Sister
"what about in the summer aircodition"~friend and ex co worker
"wow. thats pretty good"~friend, drummer/co singer/co song writer in my 1st band
"lmao... japanese beat u to it... heats/sprays water/ has air that dries... going to lunch now baby~gf
"Right after i buy that bridge you offered last week"~family
"dude, they already have them in Japan!"~friend from the UK
"I believe its been done :-P"~friend and ex co worker
"Remind me of a joke. Wut do pussy n a warm toilet seat hav in common? They both feel great but u cant help but wonder who was there before u."~friend
"Too late my man! Japanese company already makes them!"~friend and ex co worker
"We need one for the back shop right away! You're alive!!!"~friend and ex co worker
"Sorry man those already exist lol... back to the drawering bored"~friend
"Lmao"~friend
So the moral of the story? Either, I should be happy cause I'm as smart as some japanese dude, or, I should be sad that I'm a repetitive lessoff with no original ideas of my own.... HM....
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Back In To Finish Things Off.... For The Time Being...
Heres a quick thought, something I don't understand, and can't seem to make heads or tails of.
I'm living with my gf and her sister for the time being out here in Cali. They were awesome enough to understand the whole scenrio about me moving out here, the reasons, etc, etc, so, this is where I am at.
Obviously, I'm sharing a room with my gf. Her sister has the master bedroom, so, her room has its own big bathroom and a wet room, which is kinda awesome. So, the upstairs where the rooms are, my gf and I have the second bathroom thats upstairs. I hope the aesthetics are understandable. Basically cause her sister has a bathroom in her room, the second bathroom on the floor is my gfs? IDK, anyways, my gf is one of those women who has mad tubes and bottles and such laying around. It's actually quite humerous.
But on the sink there is alot of beauty products and such.
If your a woman, you will fully understand this I'll assume, and prolly get a chuckle out of it, if your a man living with a woman, you too will also understand this scenerio and prolly think, yeah i baarely have any room for my stuff.... which isn't a prob here cause I do everything in the shower, and if your a single dude, meaning, no regular GF, not married, not engaged, just a single dude, be it, single NOT getting laid, OR, single and getting MAD laid.... you, chances are won't get the comedy here.... best suggestion I can give you? Next time your on a date and she brings you back to HER place.... go take a piss, or wash your hands, or whatever, find an excuse to use the bathroom, and, just take a look around, and you WILL get it... well, unless of course, shes got more than one bathroom, and, there is a GUEST bathroom, and the master suite bathroom, which in that case, if you get laid, before you leave, take a look in the master bathroom.... you may enjoy the comedy of this than.
ANYWAYS, my gf does do something that I just don't get. She seems to ALWAYS put her toothbrush down on the ONE part of the sink it SHOULDN'T be....
Now, while I write this next passage about my gfs toothbrush, think about all the varibles I just talked about above, and try and guess what I mean when I say, the ONE part of the sink a toothbrush SHOULDN'T be....
My gf has one of those electric toothbrush dealies. Like, ok, not ELECTRIC, but battery operated... I think its an Oral-B (as opposed to an Oral-A, which, you would think would be a better choice for a name, since, well, Oral-B suggests SECOND best, as in school and like while grading meats, A is better than B, so, why its Oral-B INSTEAD of Oral-A, I don't really know at the moment, that might be something I could Wiki in the future, which, on even a further side note, my wiki'ing is going downhill cause of this blog since THATS what I used to do while sitting here, but anyways...) But, I believe its an Oral-B, you know, one of those dealies where its 2 brushes in one, the top is like a circle, that moves in a circular motion when on, and, the botton in a square or rectangle and moves up and down when turned on? So, when she put it on the sink, its NOT laying down, its standing up.
Ok, so, back to what I was saying, and, I'm sure you have ample time to try and figure out where the ONE place on the sink counter a toothbrush SHOULDN'T be....
She ALWAYS stands it up.... RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE HAND SOAP.
Yes. RIGHT IN FRONT.
Which means, when I'm done with my business here, well here is the chain of events....
I take the laptop off my lap, and place it not on the floor, but, on top of some of the laundry on the floor so that way in case my feeble mind forgets that its ON the floor and I step back and onto it, maybe having some cushion underneath MIGHT help it, but I lean forward, I place the laptop down, than I do my clean up work underneath... you would think with my expertise in this area, the federal government would have NO problem hiring me, since I do such a good job cleaning up, making sure to get in the crack to make sure its spotless.... I than proceed to stand up, pull my pants or shorts or whatever up, turn, go to get some HAND SOAP to wash my now "Dirty" hands.... but WAIT.... I can't obtain any hand soap... because, to GET to the hand soap, I now have to find a way (a very good song by the band Smoosh BTW, but thats neither here nor there) to move my gf's toothbrush, that she puts in her mouth, WITHOUT touching it with my micro fecal matter covered hands.....
And each time, its an interesting puzzle to be solved....
Now, I know what some of your may be thinking here, if she needs to put it where she puts it, lay it down with the brush side up so its not on the dirty sink....
While THAT seems like a fabulous idea.... what happens if the brush winds up under the spout of the hand soap (oh, of which we have TWO things of hand soap in the bathrooth BTW... which, is a story for another day) so NOW, theres a chance there will be hand soap on my gfs toothbrush the next time she goes to use it, because, as EVERYONE knows, hand soap ALWAYS leaks from those things....
But, how do I go about this now? I NEED to wash my hands, cause, clearly like you can tell, I have NOT touched the laptop with fecal matter covered hands.... ALSO, I honestly have an aversion to touching bathroom doors with my hands, because, well, people, honestly, how many times have you gone to the bathroom and NOT washed your hands afterwards, yet proceeded to walk out and touch a door handle.... and even if YOU haven't, think about the amount of times it has happened PREVIOUS to you using a public restroom... a good example of this? A bathroom POST-game at a sporting event when the lines are out the door.... your in a rush and you piss, and go....in public restrooms, I always use paper towels to open the door after I wash cause of this....
SO.... touching the door to get out and wash my hands in a different bathroom, IE the kitchen sink, is NOT an option...
LEAVING THE DOOR OPEN... is not an option EITHER, because in addition to Holly being in the house (not that she would come in the bathroom, cause she won't) my gf's sister has a dog as well, but this dog is stupid. If you leave the bathroom door open, the dog will come in and nuzzle you while you are taking a shit, and, I'd rather not have a dog nuzzling me while I'm taking a shit... while it seems that alot of dogs LIKE shoving their noses in assing that are shitting, WHILE they are shitting, or immediately POST shitting, yeah, this isn't an option EITHER....
So, we're now back to the problem, how than in fact do I wash my hands, and the ORIGINAL question and non understandability of why my gf proceeds to stand her toothbrush up in front of the hand soap dispenser in the first place?!?!?!
Most times, I use my elbow and push the brush over onto the sink AWAY from where the soap dispenser is, but than, I feel bad that it hits the sink top, and I spend 5 minutes washing it, which, when your busying bumming around the house without a job, dude, those 5 minutes are FUCKING PRECIOUS, well, ok, TECHNICALLY those 5 minutes arent "fucking" the actress from the movie Precious, but, I think you caught my original meaning here, other times, I unroll some TP and grab it and move it with THAT, but, than, I'm wasting resources that in my current jobless position is dire to saving, since I don't have the 70 cents to go buy another roll.... I'd than wind up like one of those bums, except when I was walking around looking for deposit cans, instead of going and buying a 40 of Night Train or Olde E, or my FAV... Crazy Horse, or even some Georgi Vodka, I'd be the weirdo telling the cashier at Ralph's...
"dude, I walked around ALL FUCKING DAY for the deposits to get enough money to buy toilet paper to wipe my ass, cause I had to use the last of the previous roll to move my gfs toothbrush, because she ALWAYS places it RIGHT in front of the fucking hand soap dispenser!!!!"
So, as if you didn't think that the bathroom and emptying out WASN'T an adventure, most days, for me, it IS an adventure in here.
What to do about the toothbrush situation? I don't rightly know. I moved it before when I was in here, since, you know, it WAS in front of the hand soap dispenser, so, it won't be an issue AGAIN, but, what about tomorrow morning when I come in here for my morning glory?!?!?!
Yeah yeah yeah... I ALREADY know what you smart asses are thinking... why don't you just ask your gf to NOT put it in front of the hand soap dispenser, I have. Which leads me to think, maybe she put it there on purpose, and, while shes at work, gets a good fat laugh out of my puzzlement in the bathroom, knowing that I forget about shit like that UNTIL I see it sitting there.... and then I get all flustered about what am I gonna do?!?!?! AHHHH?!?!?
Well, if I start to believe that IS in fact the case.... maybe I'll start using her toothbrush to make EXTRA sure my butthole is clean..... HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?
I'm living with my gf and her sister for the time being out here in Cali. They were awesome enough to understand the whole scenrio about me moving out here, the reasons, etc, etc, so, this is where I am at.
Obviously, I'm sharing a room with my gf. Her sister has the master bedroom, so, her room has its own big bathroom and a wet room, which is kinda awesome. So, the upstairs where the rooms are, my gf and I have the second bathroom thats upstairs. I hope the aesthetics are understandable. Basically cause her sister has a bathroom in her room, the second bathroom on the floor is my gfs? IDK, anyways, my gf is one of those women who has mad tubes and bottles and such laying around. It's actually quite humerous.
But on the sink there is alot of beauty products and such.
If your a woman, you will fully understand this I'll assume, and prolly get a chuckle out of it, if your a man living with a woman, you too will also understand this scenerio and prolly think, yeah i baarely have any room for my stuff.... which isn't a prob here cause I do everything in the shower, and if your a single dude, meaning, no regular GF, not married, not engaged, just a single dude, be it, single NOT getting laid, OR, single and getting MAD laid.... you, chances are won't get the comedy here.... best suggestion I can give you? Next time your on a date and she brings you back to HER place.... go take a piss, or wash your hands, or whatever, find an excuse to use the bathroom, and, just take a look around, and you WILL get it... well, unless of course, shes got more than one bathroom, and, there is a GUEST bathroom, and the master suite bathroom, which in that case, if you get laid, before you leave, take a look in the master bathroom.... you may enjoy the comedy of this than.
ANYWAYS, my gf does do something that I just don't get. She seems to ALWAYS put her toothbrush down on the ONE part of the sink it SHOULDN'T be....
Now, while I write this next passage about my gfs toothbrush, think about all the varibles I just talked about above, and try and guess what I mean when I say, the ONE part of the sink a toothbrush SHOULDN'T be....
My gf has one of those electric toothbrush dealies. Like, ok, not ELECTRIC, but battery operated... I think its an Oral-B (as opposed to an Oral-A, which, you would think would be a better choice for a name, since, well, Oral-B suggests SECOND best, as in school and like while grading meats, A is better than B, so, why its Oral-B INSTEAD of Oral-A, I don't really know at the moment, that might be something I could Wiki in the future, which, on even a further side note, my wiki'ing is going downhill cause of this blog since THATS what I used to do while sitting here, but anyways...) But, I believe its an Oral-B, you know, one of those dealies where its 2 brushes in one, the top is like a circle, that moves in a circular motion when on, and, the botton in a square or rectangle and moves up and down when turned on? So, when she put it on the sink, its NOT laying down, its standing up.
Ok, so, back to what I was saying, and, I'm sure you have ample time to try and figure out where the ONE place on the sink counter a toothbrush SHOULDN'T be....
She ALWAYS stands it up.... RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE HAND SOAP.
Yes. RIGHT IN FRONT.
Which means, when I'm done with my business here, well here is the chain of events....
I take the laptop off my lap, and place it not on the floor, but, on top of some of the laundry on the floor so that way in case my feeble mind forgets that its ON the floor and I step back and onto it, maybe having some cushion underneath MIGHT help it, but I lean forward, I place the laptop down, than I do my clean up work underneath... you would think with my expertise in this area, the federal government would have NO problem hiring me, since I do such a good job cleaning up, making sure to get in the crack to make sure its spotless.... I than proceed to stand up, pull my pants or shorts or whatever up, turn, go to get some HAND SOAP to wash my now "Dirty" hands.... but WAIT.... I can't obtain any hand soap... because, to GET to the hand soap, I now have to find a way (a very good song by the band Smoosh BTW, but thats neither here nor there) to move my gf's toothbrush, that she puts in her mouth, WITHOUT touching it with my micro fecal matter covered hands.....
And each time, its an interesting puzzle to be solved....
Now, I know what some of your may be thinking here, if she needs to put it where she puts it, lay it down with the brush side up so its not on the dirty sink....
While THAT seems like a fabulous idea.... what happens if the brush winds up under the spout of the hand soap (oh, of which we have TWO things of hand soap in the bathrooth BTW... which, is a story for another day) so NOW, theres a chance there will be hand soap on my gfs toothbrush the next time she goes to use it, because, as EVERYONE knows, hand soap ALWAYS leaks from those things....
But, how do I go about this now? I NEED to wash my hands, cause, clearly like you can tell, I have NOT touched the laptop with fecal matter covered hands.... ALSO, I honestly have an aversion to touching bathroom doors with my hands, because, well, people, honestly, how many times have you gone to the bathroom and NOT washed your hands afterwards, yet proceeded to walk out and touch a door handle.... and even if YOU haven't, think about the amount of times it has happened PREVIOUS to you using a public restroom... a good example of this? A bathroom POST-game at a sporting event when the lines are out the door.... your in a rush and you piss, and go....in public restrooms, I always use paper towels to open the door after I wash cause of this....
SO.... touching the door to get out and wash my hands in a different bathroom, IE the kitchen sink, is NOT an option...
LEAVING THE DOOR OPEN... is not an option EITHER, because in addition to Holly being in the house (not that she would come in the bathroom, cause she won't) my gf's sister has a dog as well, but this dog is stupid. If you leave the bathroom door open, the dog will come in and nuzzle you while you are taking a shit, and, I'd rather not have a dog nuzzling me while I'm taking a shit... while it seems that alot of dogs LIKE shoving their noses in assing that are shitting, WHILE they are shitting, or immediately POST shitting, yeah, this isn't an option EITHER....
So, we're now back to the problem, how than in fact do I wash my hands, and the ORIGINAL question and non understandability of why my gf proceeds to stand her toothbrush up in front of the hand soap dispenser in the first place?!?!?!
Most times, I use my elbow and push the brush over onto the sink AWAY from where the soap dispenser is, but than, I feel bad that it hits the sink top, and I spend 5 minutes washing it, which, when your busying bumming around the house without a job, dude, those 5 minutes are FUCKING PRECIOUS, well, ok, TECHNICALLY those 5 minutes arent "fucking" the actress from the movie Precious, but, I think you caught my original meaning here, other times, I unroll some TP and grab it and move it with THAT, but, than, I'm wasting resources that in my current jobless position is dire to saving, since I don't have the 70 cents to go buy another roll.... I'd than wind up like one of those bums, except when I was walking around looking for deposit cans, instead of going and buying a 40 of Night Train or Olde E, or my FAV... Crazy Horse, or even some Georgi Vodka, I'd be the weirdo telling the cashier at Ralph's...
"dude, I walked around ALL FUCKING DAY for the deposits to get enough money to buy toilet paper to wipe my ass, cause I had to use the last of the previous roll to move my gfs toothbrush, because she ALWAYS places it RIGHT in front of the fucking hand soap dispenser!!!!"
So, as if you didn't think that the bathroom and emptying out WASN'T an adventure, most days, for me, it IS an adventure in here.
What to do about the toothbrush situation? I don't rightly know. I moved it before when I was in here, since, you know, it WAS in front of the hand soap dispenser, so, it won't be an issue AGAIN, but, what about tomorrow morning when I come in here for my morning glory?!?!?!
Yeah yeah yeah... I ALREADY know what you smart asses are thinking... why don't you just ask your gf to NOT put it in front of the hand soap dispenser, I have. Which leads me to think, maybe she put it there on purpose, and, while shes at work, gets a good fat laugh out of my puzzlement in the bathroom, knowing that I forget about shit like that UNTIL I see it sitting there.... and then I get all flustered about what am I gonna do?!?!?! AHHHH?!?!?
Well, if I start to believe that IS in fact the case.... maybe I'll start using her toothbrush to make EXTRA sure my butthole is clean..... HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Excuse Me... Do You Know Where The Crapper Is?
I Need to drop off some timber...
Early today, haven't started looking for jobs yet, woke up about 45 minutes or so ago, was just getting my legs under me, than, the gurgling started, so I figured it best to come drop off some timber, even if it is earlier than normal.
SO, fingers crossed everyone that I have some luck finding some places to apply today!!!
Oh, and, yeah, I hit some button on error, so, chances are, if you are reading this previous to me editing the body of the post, its gonna say...
"Excuse Me... Do You Know Where The Crapper Is?"
in the title and nothing else....
Should be a fun an interesting weekend. My gf and her sister invited a few people over for Super Bowl sunday. I'm doing all the food prep, which is exciting for me, making some pop in the oven a cook shit, but alot of it will be more unique.
As for the Super Bowl, I'm not big into sports now as much as I was when I was younger. I was fairly good at baseball, but, never played football, and, I hated basketball, and sucked at it when I played in pick up games anyways, but, my gf and her sister are huge into football and my gf is huge into basketball. Respectivly they root for the broncos and chargers, I moved out here, and, decided since I didn't have a favorite team, I'd adopt the Raiders, which is kinda cool by me cause, the games I watched this year, the team was cool, and, Darren McFadden is fun to watch.... but, yeah, the Super Bowl, I grew up a Packers fan, Brett Favre is my fav player, but, the way Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy ushered him out of Green Bay to me was offensive, especially when its to the greatest player in NFL history, so, I said I wouldn't root for Green Bay as long as those 2 were in charge of the team. So, while the Super Bowl is on, I'll prolly be cooking away at the stove... which is fine, I don't think the game will be all that good this year anyways, people seem to think I'm crazy for saying that, but, I feel like the loss of Markice Pouncey is a bigger blow than they are letting on, I mean, last week, after he got hurt, they fumbled away a ball and got tagged for a safety after another bad snap, so, I think Green Bay will win comfortably by winning by 10-14 points.
Making all sorts of fun stuff, homemade Pizza Rolls, Dips, Wings.... should be a fun experimental food day for me.
Man, I think I'm gonna go down and get me a energy drink, I feel like I need one today... kinda dragging.... OH thats a good topic to end with.
My GF and I are having a huge arguemant about if or when we have kids, possible names for them. I want to name our kid, if we have a son, Richard Dragon. She doesn't seem to think thats a good idea. She has dragons tatted on her, so she LIKES dragons, so, I don't see what the problem is. Richard Dragon is a good strong name that would intimidate anyone just by the sound of it. We argue about this often. Apparently I'm never going to win. It's all well and good, I'll let her THINK shes gonna win, than, when shes done going thru labor, and squeezing the kid out, I'll flip the doctor, or, anesteiologist like 50 bucks, and, have them give her like a ridiculous amount of painkillers, so, that way she passes out.... and when she wakes up, I'll present her with her new son, RICHARD DRAGON, as, by this time, I'll have put the name on the birth certificate and there will be NOTHING she can do!!!!!
(Mr. Burns from The Simpsons' Voice In Your Head?)
EXCELLENT
Early today, haven't started looking for jobs yet, woke up about 45 minutes or so ago, was just getting my legs under me, than, the gurgling started, so I figured it best to come drop off some timber, even if it is earlier than normal.
SO, fingers crossed everyone that I have some luck finding some places to apply today!!!
Oh, and, yeah, I hit some button on error, so, chances are, if you are reading this previous to me editing the body of the post, its gonna say...
"Excuse Me... Do You Know Where The Crapper Is?"
in the title and nothing else....
Should be a fun an interesting weekend. My gf and her sister invited a few people over for Super Bowl sunday. I'm doing all the food prep, which is exciting for me, making some pop in the oven a cook shit, but alot of it will be more unique.
As for the Super Bowl, I'm not big into sports now as much as I was when I was younger. I was fairly good at baseball, but, never played football, and, I hated basketball, and sucked at it when I played in pick up games anyways, but, my gf and her sister are huge into football and my gf is huge into basketball. Respectivly they root for the broncos and chargers, I moved out here, and, decided since I didn't have a favorite team, I'd adopt the Raiders, which is kinda cool by me cause, the games I watched this year, the team was cool, and, Darren McFadden is fun to watch.... but, yeah, the Super Bowl, I grew up a Packers fan, Brett Favre is my fav player, but, the way Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy ushered him out of Green Bay to me was offensive, especially when its to the greatest player in NFL history, so, I said I wouldn't root for Green Bay as long as those 2 were in charge of the team. So, while the Super Bowl is on, I'll prolly be cooking away at the stove... which is fine, I don't think the game will be all that good this year anyways, people seem to think I'm crazy for saying that, but, I feel like the loss of Markice Pouncey is a bigger blow than they are letting on, I mean, last week, after he got hurt, they fumbled away a ball and got tagged for a safety after another bad snap, so, I think Green Bay will win comfortably by winning by 10-14 points.
Making all sorts of fun stuff, homemade Pizza Rolls, Dips, Wings.... should be a fun experimental food day for me.
Man, I think I'm gonna go down and get me a energy drink, I feel like I need one today... kinda dragging.... OH thats a good topic to end with.
My GF and I are having a huge arguemant about if or when we have kids, possible names for them. I want to name our kid, if we have a son, Richard Dragon. She doesn't seem to think thats a good idea. She has dragons tatted on her, so she LIKES dragons, so, I don't see what the problem is. Richard Dragon is a good strong name that would intimidate anyone just by the sound of it. We argue about this often. Apparently I'm never going to win. It's all well and good, I'll let her THINK shes gonna win, than, when shes done going thru labor, and squeezing the kid out, I'll flip the doctor, or, anesteiologist like 50 bucks, and, have them give her like a ridiculous amount of painkillers, so, that way she passes out.... and when she wakes up, I'll present her with her new son, RICHARD DRAGON, as, by this time, I'll have put the name on the birth certificate and there will be NOTHING she can do!!!!!
(Mr. Burns from The Simpsons' Voice In Your Head?)
EXCELLENT
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