For looking forward to something.
Followed the directions off the Jeopardy website yesterday EXACTLY. I had previously registered like it suggested last week.
I proceeded to try and Login at 730pm like it suggested... but try and login no later than 15-20 minutes BEFORE the test...
Nothing happened.
Tried for 20 minutes.
Nothing.
Decided maybe it was my gf's laptop, so I decided to DL Firefox onto it...
Nothing.
7 minutes to go, I go downstairs and ask her sister to see about trying to get it on HER laptop while now my GF and I were trying to get it on hers....
Nothing.
8 O'clock came and went....
I didn't even get the CHANCE to fail.
This is what I get for being positive and optimistic and looking forward to something. Now honestly, I don't feel like doing ANYTHING.
Currently, well, not CURRENTLY, obviously, I'm floating around the net playing games on facebook, watching a movie called Mysterious Island (Cut me a break, Kyle McLachlen is in it), pretty much just being fed up with everything.
It's such bullshit. Everything.
I'm tired of looking forward to something to NOT have it happen... I've been out here the better part now of THREE MONTHS, and have gotten to do ONE THING I've wanted to. Now, doing "THINGS" of course takes MONEY, but, I have ONLY wanted to do ONE THING that cost any money in 3 months, go to that race at Toyota Speedway, which I didn't get to do. I've been talking about driving to the town at the top of Mt. Baldy, just, as a cool place to drive too... haven't done that. I added wanting to go mail letters from Twin Peaks, as that is close TOO... haven't gotten to do THAT...
I'm pretty much at the point where I'm fucking fed up and REALLY don't want to DO anything anymore. Other than sleep, watch TV, and write while I'm leaving a shit. I was psyching myself up all day yesterday for that test, so I didn't look for any jobs. I had conceded weds cause I woke up late, now today, I have no drive to even begin looking for anymore jobs, cause, well, I'be been doing that for 2 months and 3 weeks now (I relaxed and was sick the 1st full week I was here) and N O T H I N G is happening on that front. I'm tired of spending 3-4 hours a day looking and applying for jobs its CLEAR I'm NEVER going to get.
Like seriously, what's the point of it all? I've been positive for the better part of 3 months being out here, its getting me NO WHERE... maybe being pessimistic and a huge whiney BITCH might get me somewhere. I think I may try that out for the next 3 months.
Anyways, oh, yay, the weekend. What fun... another weekend of NOT getting to do ANYTHING I want to do, which, that first bit was sarcastic, but, honestly, I don't give a shit anymore. What sucks about this weekend is its Valentines Day, and I don't have ANY MONEY yet AGAIN to buy my gf even a CARD for the holiday, so how much of an asshole does THIS make me look like? To anyone that KNOWS the situation, oh wait, thats right, I'm STILL an asshole anyways, but, to anyone that DOESN'T know the situation, I get to be bad mouthed and my gf I'm SURE is being told, "you can do WAY better than that", and maybe thats the truth, maybe upheaving my life and moving 3000 miles ISN'T enough... for some it SURE doesn't feel like it is... but whatever, who cares anymore... I'm done giving a fuck about things for at least today. I earned the right to be a miserable fuck after dealing with the bullshit I have the last 3 months with NOTHING coming to me cause I HAVE been optimistic.
But yeah, I was thinking about an old friend of mine named Jim before. I have him on my facebook, so, we do get to interact quite a bit. But growing up, Jim was one of my best friends. I hated my HS, but I had a few groups of friends, my sports type friends, my band/smart type friends, and, my friends with people like Jim, who, people always looked at cockeyed. Jim loved this tho LOL... he reveled in being a "freak", even if the truth of the matter was, if anyone took 2 minutes to actually TALK to Jim, he was good people. But you know how HS is... people are just concerned with whats on the OUTSIDE and how POPULAR they can be, NOT how someone ACTUALLY is. Jim and I and our group had discussed starting a band at one point. This was my 1st foray into it. Jim and I did jam on a few occasions. One of which I have the tape of somewhere at my old residence, we spent half a day at a studio, it was a blast, Jim went on to play in some bands, cause Jim was REALLY dedicated to being an amazing drummer. He missed a bit of HS cause he actually WAY playing in bands and WAS putting a serious effort into it.
Anyways, when we started discussing this, he was lucky enough to have a 2 car garage in his backyard, and, parents who were cool enough to say, basically let us have it.... with the caveet with cleaned it out. I heard this, and was excited as fuck... what I didn't know was that the garage was LITERALLY packed stupid with stuff.
Flash forward to after we had it cleaned out, admittedly, Jim did most of the cleaning himself, but I did help a good deal with getting furnature in there and moving all the heavy shit out, etc....
But, my HS days, that garage and Jim were 2 of the reasons I CAN look back and actually smile about that time in my life.
We even put down a shitload of plywood in the loft so, we had downstairs for the band, which, than was basically Jim's drumkit and practice area since he was dedicated like I said... brought in some furnature, and, pretty much I spent every NON baseball season day there getting drunk, and, most days AFTER baseball practice there... getting drunk. Good times. lots of friends, lots of fun fun experiences. I have alot of stories about the garage, but, I wanted to tell a story about Jim that always gets me laughing, and, right now a smile and a laugh is REALLY what I'm looking for.
One of our friends in this group was named Tom. Tom was hot and cold. Some days Tom was cool as fuck, other days, he was just a huge self centered asshole, weather anyone else felt the same, I COULD prolly opine on this, but I won't. But, there would be like days where Tom would have no problem letting me ride on the handle bars of his bike as we went 2 towns over to get pizza, but other days, he would just act like he thought he was better than everyone. Anyways, Tom lived across from our HS, literally, and, most days we'd go to his house for lunch and get drunk, or, if we were looking for a different place to chill after school for a bit, we'd go there. As if you didn't guess, most days I was at Jim's. Tom was sketchy, some days he'd come some days he wouldn't. But, during the day, if he had a break, he was at his house. I'd suggest this is why Tom and I got along so well, Tom I think more than I did back then "GOT" the "fuck these assholes, I don't care what anyone thinks" mantra way better than I did. He didn't really associate with anyone too much... So whenever I was off, and knew he was, like I said, I'd be over across the street for 30 minutes or so getting fucked up, cause, well, honestly, the majority of the people I went to HS with, you HAD to be fucked up to deal with there assholeness.
Anyways, one day I see Jim wandering the halls between periods. I didn't get to Jim's before school to get drunk, and, Tom who I had what I believe was English early in the day, I had a few classes with him, wasn't around. I had known they were chilling after school the previous day doing whatever, I couldn't as I don't really rememeber the exact reason, prolly baseball, maybe just doing a report or some shit, IDK, don't hold me to it, so I grabbed Jim coversed with the regular sup pleasentries and such, and than I asked him where Tom was... this is how the conversation went, and this is one of my best memories from my HS time...
"Hey Jim, I need to get a few drinks in me, you seen Tom, he wasn't in class, I know you guys were doing something after school yesterday."
"Yeah, we hit up the pizza place than went back to Tom's afterward to play some genesis and such"
"Cool, what time you head home?"
"well, heres the thing about that. Tom was being a Mr. Browntone dick, and we kinda got into an arguement. We wound up outside somehow, we were outside talking and such, and, decided to start fucking around out there. I wound up throwing a pitchfork thru his foot"
"Wait what? You threw a pitchfork thru his foot? cmon, your bullshitting me dude."
"no. I did. We were fucking around and, I wound up throwing a pitchfork thru his foot"
"wow, thats sad. Kinda sucks that happened"
"Yeah it was sad, and it did suck, cause I was actually aiming for his chest. Anyways, catch you later man"
And with THAT.... Jim took off down the hall towards his next class.
Man, I miss the few really good friends I had in HS. I miss all the people I was friendly with in HS. They really made it bearable. Thank god for people like Jim.
